for how long?

it's really funny how things get to.

how many times am i going to see how i can take these tests. Everyone sees how strong I am, I don't. No matter what happens I always feel weaker than the next day. The more I try to fight my struggles they just come back harder. There are times i do have hope that maybe one day this'll all go away. . .

this is what i always here.

you're not alone

you're strong

there's more people going through what you're going through maybe worse

just hold on you'll get through this

Just pray and leave it in God's hands

why is it the more people say that to me it's not making me feel better. I've heard more than i should. i need to know when i can be strong. words are just words and it's like i can't even help myself become a better person. when will I know i'll be strong? The more I try the more I fall and the more i fall the more i feel like turning away. I can't help others when i can't help myself. Especially now when there's no one to turn to. If i can't even talk and pray to God because of this fear of hoping everything will be alright it'e like i have to trap my own heart from everything. I've put my hands out to him. not everything in life is perfect i understand that. There are moments that people will be sad, angry, and lost but for how long? only the strong will sruvive. and when do you know that you're strong enough.

To everyone who thinks I'm strong don't tell me.

It only shows how i'm not cuz i need someone to remind me

I want to know for myself

one day . . .